this moment

It was my first birthday without my mom.  A day I wasn't prepared for.  A day I didn't think would come soon.  I was surrounded by family and friends traveling through a city that was filled with excitement and energy.  Thirteen of us trekked around NYC cheering on my uncle as he ran the NYC Marathon in honor of my mom and his father in law.  

It was just last year that my mom was a part of this adventure.  Traversing the subway system, waving her pom pom wildly, and proudly cheering me on as I ran 26.2.  It was one of the best days of my life.  I felt like the city was mine and each time I saw my family and friends on the route cheering, waving, screaming, I knew that I was going to be able to make it all the way to the finish line.  They gave me energy to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  

I still remember vividly seeing everyone waiting for me on the corner after I had finished.  I was making my way through a sea of people on the crowded NYC streets.  When they spotted me they began to cheer wildly.  The look on my mom's face was priceless.  She was beaming with pride.    

So much has changed since that day.  So much that I never ever expected to change.  My Mom didn't tell all of us she had breast cancer until after the marathon.  She didn't want me to worry when I had such a big event coming up.  Looking back now we all know that she was much sicker than just breast cancer.  Yet she was there cheering, beaming, passing me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  She was there every step of the way.  

Even though she wasn't physically at the marathon this year she was definitely there in spirit.  I just know that she was cheering from up above.  I spotted many feathers throughout the city and in honor of my mom my uncle ran with a couple of feathers tucked into his sleeve.  It was an incredibly sweet gesture.  

I still can't believe she is gone.  My heart is shattered but i know her spirit is within me.  I cherish the memories and hold onto them tightly.  So much can change in such a short amount of time.  So much that you never expect to change.  Savor the moments.  Love boldly.  Live wildly.