charting the unknown waters

Lately I have been swimming in this sea of uncharted waters.  There are moments when I feel as if I am drowning.  It is like I have forgotten how to swim and need to re-learn each of the strokes.  The shore feels incredibly far away and I don't know if I will ever reach it.

The steady crash of the waves has me feeling disoriented as the tide pulls me further out to sea.  I am trying to find the strength within me to stay afloat but I am defeated.  This beautiful ocean is an incredible life force.  

All I can do is surrender.  

I feel as if I am waiting for my real life to begin.  The life I dream of.  The one that I scribble about between the pages of my journal.  The life that my heart deeply desires.  I crave this life and deep in my soul know it is the one I am meant to be living.  

Yet here I am in the middle of the ocean, losing site of the horizon.  Fearful of swimming to shore because it is a big and bold move forward.  In order to swim I need to believe in myself.  I need to know that I am deserving of my dreams.  That my voice is meant to be heard.  That there is room enough in this world for what I want to offer.  

I can see it.  I can feel it.  I know that it is the right direction for me.  I just need to be brave enough to leap.  I need invest in myself fully.  Ditch the "what if it doesn't work out" thoughts and simply see what is possible.  

I must to take the chance.  

Now more than ever I need to show up for myself.  I do not know how many days I have left on this earth.  Life can be taken in the blink of any eye.  One day we are going about our daily business and the next day we could be gone.  And we never know when that day will be.  If I continue to delay going after my dreams I may run out of time.  

I don't want to run out of time.  I must begin.  

I know I have said it before time and time again, but this moment feels different.  This ocean I am swimming in is terrifying and it is forcing me to be brave.  I will re-learn how to swim. I will find my way to a new shore and I won't give up even if it takes awhile to get there.  Because what I dream of is my destiny and only I can create it.  

And so I begin swimming