I have been standing on an island of discontent. I cannot place my finger on exactly what it is but there are pieces of me that cannot seem to find a way to smile. The world feels as if it is caving in on me and I am unsure of how to control it. It comes in quickly and pulls me down. There are moments when I cannot handle the high energy of a room and immediately want to run out the door.
Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever felt like you lost your spark? Have you ever kept putting one foot in front of the other but always felt like there were piece of something hold you back from experiencing the full joy that the moment presented?
This is where I stand. I want to cross the bridge and jump into the light but I know that I must first recognize this inner turmoil and find the root cause. I am unsure of what exactly it is that has been pulling me down but I do know that I am not making anything better by casting blame on others or getting upset by small things.
I need to rewrite the story to tell the truth. Hiding in this current story is getting me nowhere fast. I need to shed light and be honest on what the real hurt is that I have buried deep. I will never be able to cross the bridge into the light until I do this.
So I am turning to my notebook. Writing first how I see there is something going on. Through this recognizing it is my hope that as I continue to write whatever "it " is will surface and I will be able to re-write the story. I want to find my spark again. I want to enter a room with a smile and really feel it. It begins right here with me and I won't give up until I am shining.