I love to dream and scheme. To list out ideas, write down my biggest hopes, collage how I want to feel. Yes, these pieces are a deep part of my self care practice. They ignite the spark within me.
I enjoy sitting down and wildly letting go. It is in these moments that I identify what I am craving and unearth my deepest desires. There is color and light. Excitement and hope. It is fantastically fun and freeing.
This is the beginning phase and it is easy because there are no rules or expectations. I can safely reach for the stars. I can put down what is deep in my heart with out fear, embarrassment or risk because all I am doing it getting it out. In this phase there is no thought about action or how to. It is all dreaming and acknowledging what it is you truly want.
The hard part comes in when you choose to say yes. When you hold yourself accountable every single day to taking the steps towards making it happen. This is when fear creeps in. Fear that you don't deserve it. Fear that you aren't good enough. Fear that you can't make it happen.
You stand on the edge embodied with uncomfortable feelings. You want to give up, throw in the towel. You don't like standing deep in this uncomfortableness. Taking risk's is hard. It comes with loss, fear, and the unknown. You don't like not knowing where you are going to end up.
But the only way to make something happen is to go after it. To dream about it but to also take actionable steps towards it. To choose the frightening yes over staying closed in. It is not easy. Oh my goodness it is not easy. In fact it is terrifying and uncomfortable. It doesn't feel good when you are deep in that middle ground working through the muck, risking your heart, and taking the chance.
There will be times, many times when it will not go the way you wanted. You will be disappointed, hearts will be broken, and many tears will be shed. But through the hurt you will also be a little bit stronger, grown a little bit taller, and learned just a little bit more about yourself. New tools will be added to your toolkit and the next time you risk you will be armed with different options, prepared to take on the uphill battle.
We must risk. We must take action. When we stay small, cocooned in our own nest we never grown our wings and we never learn to fly. And as Deb Talan says in her song Big Strong Girl:
"anything worth anything takes more than a few days and a long long night.