Two years ago my mom passed. It all happened so quickly and was very unexpected. Since that moment I have been in a dark place. It wasn't until recently that I realized how deeply I have fallen into this darkness. So deep that I have lost my way.
In this moment my heart has been shattered into a million pieces and can see for the first time how that darkness has taken over me. You would think with the passing of my mom that I would learn to appreciate every day, that I would understand how life is short, and we never know when it is going to end. But rather than appreciate the moments I was consumed with all the things she would be missing. So consumed that I began to miss the little moments that were happening in my day to day life and I began to take this life I am living for granted. Things began to slip away as I dug myself deeper and deeper into my hole.
But as I stand here now with my heart broken I see how precious life truly is. How we never know what is going to happen next. We can think we have it all planned out and then a curve ball is thrown our way and everything changes in an instant.
My heart break has lead to a heart opening. As I have been navigating this new direction and trying to find my way in this new world I am unsure of where I am going or how I am going to get there. But one thing I do know for certain is that I cannot waste this time. I can't live in the sadness of what I have lost. I can't be afraid of what my future holds. I have to be grateful for all that was and be ok with what can no longer be.
With my heart wide open I am inviting others in. Letting them see the pieces of me that I have kept safely tucked away for far to long. I am showing up and sharing who I am and how I feel. I am choosing to break through the wall that I have been hiding behind for far to long.
My life isn't perfect. There are things I need to work on. I have my highs and lows. But we as human beings all have these things. It is once we start unearthing these layers that we begin to see we are more alike than we are different. We begin to learn that we are never truly alone in this world. There are people who are willing to reach out, grab your hand, and pick you up when you feel you cannot do it yourself. There are people willing to listen to your heartbreak, give you a hug, and let you know that they are here for you.
And so I step forward into this new life. The one I didn't think I would be living in. This unknown territory. I am unsure what the future holds for me. But I trust that it will be beautiful, filled with love, grace, gratitude, and kindness. I believe wholeheartedly that what you put out into the world comes back to you. And so I am putting out love, lots of love.
I am also opening up my heart and sharing my voice. Because life truly is to short for us to not to. And even though it is not always easy living with a protective wall up is so much harder than living with your heart wide open.
And so this heartbreak has lead to a heart opening and for that I am eternally grateful.