The year was 2008. I was living on my own in an adorable studio apartment. This sacred space held my heart as I began an epic search to unearth who I was and what I stood for. Like so many times in my life, I felt lost in this great big world. The eternal question “why am I here and what is my purpose?” played on repeat in my head.Read More
One foot in front of the other as I follow the yellow trail. Up the mountain, around the lake, and back down. This has become one of my favorite places to walk. It is a good balance between climbing and flat terrain with the added bonus of being near the lake.
One foot in front of the other. The worry, the fear, the feelings of not being good enough slowly begin to melt away with each step. I do not need to know where I am going. I just need to keep an eye out for the trail markers as I continue moving forward.
My body falls into a comfortable rhythm. The sound of the dirt and leaves crunching below me calms my heart. It is just me and the trees. There is no where else I need to be. I can take my time here.
For the past four months I have been unearthing unknown ground. Being unemployed has shifted me and pushed me up to my edges. I feel uncertain about the future. It is hard to commit to plans because I do not know where I will end up. What I will be doing? What will my time commitment be? It all feels uncertain.
As I follow the yellow trail I wish that there were trail markers for this unknown journey. Something lighting the way and showing me where to go. People tell me to embrace the unknown and yes it is an exciting time but it is also a scary place to be.
There have been times it has filled me with doubt. Wondering if I am good enough. Wondering if someone will ever want to hire me. Wondering what it is I really am meant to do. Many times in the past four months I have pulled the Angel card that speaks about “service”. It continues to remind me to show up and serve others and everything else will work out.
I want to carve my own trail. Leave the markers that light the way for others. Be a guide during there toughest times and place that they can come to rest and heal. But what does that really look like? How do I create that trail?
Just like anything else in life it is one step at a time. One small micro movement which brings you closer to unearthing life’s biggest plan. Right now for me that next step is to find a space to host a retreat. It has been a dream that has lived and breathed in my heart for so long and it is time for me to stop playing small and start playing BIG!
And even there are no trail markers guiding my way I know that I can blaze my own path and create a trail that others can walk with me on. And so I begin.
Let's Work Together
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I have learned that we aren't meant to travel this journey by ourselves. When we come together we can do so much more than we ever can on our own.
There is magic in community.
There is magic in gathering.
There is magic in opening up your heart and sharing it.
I am an introvert. When I step into a group I struggle. I seek out the back of the room so I can quietly observe. I soak it all in from a distance but always leave wishing I had gotten a little bit closer. I long to dive in deep but struggle to do so.
I have learned that I must step forward. I do not need to wait for an invitation to find my way into the circle. I just need to drop my insecurities and step in. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is so rewarding when I do it.
It is connection that pushes me to dive a little bit deeper.
It is connection that expands my horizon.
It is connection that helps me grow.
But connection only happens when I let down my guard and step into the circle. I have to be willing to not only listen, but to also share my own stories of heartbreak and triumph. I have to not only reach out, but also reach in. I have to be able to not only catch others stories but also be vulnerable enough to share my own.
I learned how deeply I longed for connection when I attended my first art retreat. Quite and shy I found a way to blend into the background, yet I left there broken open. I knew that I could no longer live closed off. I had to reach out and invite others in. I had to show up to the table.
I have found my most meaningful connections unearth when I am surrounded by people who have similar interest as I do. It is in these spaces that it is easier to dive in deep and share my heart. I feel a sense of trust and connection because we have that common bond between us.
The vastness of the internet makes it easy for us to stay in touch, but there is still something beautiful and magical about gathering together in person. Looking into each others eyes, reaching out and holding hands, being together in the same room. This is a precious gift.
Being an introvert I can allow long amounts of time to pass by without reaching out to gather. It feels like work sometimes to make the effort. But once I am with my people it all feels right and I never regret stepping into the circle.
This year I am committing to spending more time with others. To stepping out of my comfort zone and inviting my kindred's in. I want to break down the wall I have built up and connect deeply. I know the only way this will manifest is if I show up and share pieces of my heart with others.
So I invite you to gather with me. To show up as you are and share a piece of your heart. I promise to be sharing a piece of mine as well. Let's spend an afternoon of creative connection together. If this sounds even a little bit intriguing to you click below to sign up to receive the invitation. I hope that you will join me. It would be wonderful to meet face to face.
What if we gathered
What if you and I were sitting in a circle with others
Talking about our hearts deepest longings and desires
What if we didn't hold back
What if the walls of our hearts came down
And we let it all spill out
Would you feel comfortable enough to open up
Would you trust the circle with your heart
Would you say yes to being together
Are you willing to hold the hearts of others
Do you have it in you to listen deeply
And the ability to hold space for others
This is what circling is all about
I dream of a circle
A soul circle of sorts
Where we gather together
Let our hearts unwind and unearth what is below the surface
A circle of trust, love and understanding
A circle of hope
One that truly listens deeply
Will you join me in this circle
Will you gather with me
Hold a strangers hands, offer up a hug
Are you open to sharing your story
Will you spill your heart wide open
Do you believe in trust, friendship, and kinship
Together we can make more magic happen than we can alone
It begins in circle, deep in the soul circle
We had all been through so much this past year. Life as we knew it had changed forever. Relationships altered, holes left in our hearts, everything different. Nothing ever to be the same again.
Moments slipping through our fingers as we try to gain our footing in this new way of living
Yet here we were, gathered with family along the oceans edge. Life slowed down even if just for a moment. Deeply submerged into where we were and who we were with we savored the laughter, let go, and really enjoyed each others company. It was divine to hear my Father's laughter. To see him smiling and having such a good time. He stepped deep into the moment and savored it all.
Memories forever etched in my heart. This wasn't just about getting away for a few days. No, it was so much more than that. It was a breath of fresh air, a reminder to keep moving forward, an infusion of love from family. It was arms wide open, warm sunshine, and a deep breathe in.
I felt the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders as we settled into an easy routine of doing whatever moved us. Walking through the ocean, gazing up at the stars, dancing in the kitchen. It wasn't fancy. There was no fan fare. It was life, beautiful loving life. Where we were surrounded by family and enjoying being where we were in that exact moment.
I am so grateful for this time away. For the moment to let go of the worries and feel the hope that is in front of us. My mom may not be walking the journey with us, but she is there. She is always, always there. And she would want us to keep stepping forward. She would smile to see us enjoying the moment and soaking in the warm sunshine. The beach was her happy place. When I am near the ocean I feel close to her. Being right next to the ocean for a few days I felt my mom strongly in my heart. I felt her smile as we ventured off on the paddle boards and I felt her sitting with us as we gazed up at the stars.
She is looking down on all of us. So proud of the way we have come together. It makes my heart smile and brings me hope for what the future holds. I am so grateful for it all. For family, love, and being deep in the moment.
Gathering brings us together. Feeling the love of family infuses me with hope. Being in the moment reminded me of how incredible life is. Even amongst the heartache, the struggle, and the tears there is so much goodness. I am so lucky to have the incredible family I have. So grateful for trips taken and moments of being able to be together in the moment, yes present in the moment.