Such a long time...

It has been such a long time since I have been here.  
It feels like I am treading on unknown waters.  
I have been drowning in my thoughts and struggling to swim to the surface during these cold winter months.  
It is dark, gray and dreary.  
I have felt a whirlwind of emotions:
happiness, sorrow, loss, compassion, anger, alone, fulfilled.
Each emotion pulling at the other leaving me confused and unsure.
Some days I forget how to stand
Other days I am dancing gracefully through the air with ease.
My heart feels full 
My soul feels empty
A roller coaster ride of thoughts creeping up on me when I least expect it.
I long for creativity, for a sense of self, and a smile to come back to my face.  
I long to feel whole again.  
I am not sure how I got here.
I didn't notice myself venturing off the path, but I wander sometimes.
It can lead to brilliant adventures or dangerous struggles.
I am on the edge of the struggle.